If your question does not get answerd on this page feel free to send your questions to
bbeard@reallifechurch.org or consider going to First Step where you can get all your questions answered in person.
Q. What if I am too busy to join a Life Group?
A. Life often feels like we’re running on a hamster's wheel – lots of motion with very little meaning. We live in a fast-paced culture that seems to put more value on activities than relationships. Not to mention we live in an area where the average person's commute time is 60-90 minutes. In addition, we often make scheduling decisions that cause us to live fragmented lives and we cannot help but feel overwhelmed. At Real Life we invite you to trade your chaotic lifestyle in for some connected relationships. We encourage you to consider restructuring your schedule so you have time to develop closer relationships with others. Contact our Life Groups pastor Brandon Beard if you need some help making room in your schedule for a Life Group (661) 775-2048 bbeard@reallifechurch.org or consider reading the book “Making Room for Life” by Randy Frazee. This book challenges us to live the way God intended and has revolutionized many peoples approach to life.
Q. What if I don’t like the group I am placed in?
A. It is not uncommon that people initially don’t like the group they are placed in. Rarely can anyone walk into a living room full of people and feel a strong connection immediately. However, I always encourage people to give it some time. Since our groups are intergenerational, it can be hard to connect initially, but those I have seen stick with it have developed deep meaningful relationships. Intergenerational groups allow you to have someone older to mentor you, someone younger for you to mentor, and someone your age to connect with. As a general rule, try attending three to four group meetings in a row before you make a decision about trying another group. If you have faithfully given it your best shot and would like to change groups, that is no problem! Just let us know, and we will place you in another group in your community. Be sure to tell the Facilitator of your group that you are going to try another group. They will be bummed you did not connect, but glad that you were honest with them. Whatever you do, don’t just stop going and not say anything to us or your Facilitator. That will only make you feel isolated and disconnected. You are important to all of us, and we want to help you find the group that best fits you!
Q. I am currently single, and I am uncomfortable being in an intergenerational group.
A. It is understandable that you might be feeling this way, especially since our society has become so fragmented and compartmentalized. One of our goals at Real Life is to break this convention of society that says, put singles with singles, put old with old, put young with young, put married with married, etc. While we are working to periodically do special events, seminars, and retreats that target college, singles, married couples, etc., we are not convinced that separating everybody into their peer groups provides the best opportunity for deep Christian community. We strongly believe that Jesus has called us to be a community of believers. That means that a married couple offers to watch the single mom’s kids so she can have a day to relax or get a project done. That means a college student is invited to spend Thanksgiving with someone from his Life Group since he has no family around. That means an older woman can mentor a younger woman. Real Christian community has no boundaries and recognizes that we all need each other. While it may be uncomfortable at first, you will be surprised what you can learn from people who are different than you and what they can learn from you. When you join a Life Group, go into it with this attitude: “It is not what this group can do for me, but what I can do for this group.” If you read the book of Acts, you will find that this was the attitude of the early Christians.
Q. My spouse will not attend the group. What should I do?
A. First of all, you’re not alone, so don’t give up. It is not uncommon that a spouse will be resistant about joining a Life Group. Many men find it especially difficult to get excited about sitting in a living room and talking about the Bible, life, and spiritual things. The first thing to do is start going to the group so you can explain to your spouse firsthand that it’s a safe place. A great way to get your reluctant spouse involved is to invite them to participate in a service project with your Life Group. One woman’s husband said he would never go to Life Group, but he was willing to help at the Special Olympics with the Life Group. While he was there, he connected with another guy in the group and has been attending the Life Group ever since. Another idea is to plan a get together with one other couple from the Life Group. After going out, having a barbecue, going out to coffee or seeing a movie with another couple from the Life Group, your spouse might realize that he enjoys the company of those people. After building a relationship with one or two couples from the group, your spouse might feel more comfortable going to the group.
Q. I realize that our groups are community based, but what if I have a friend who does not live by me, and I want to invite them to the group?
A. Not a problem! We’re not going to show up at the Life Group and give your friend a citation for leaving their community. But be sure to explain to them that we do organize our groups in this way so that people can connect with others in close proximity. As your group grows, and eventually multiplies, it will do so based on location. Our vision is to see people meeting in groups within walking distance of each other.
Q. What if I get into a conflict with someone in my group?
A. That’s great! It really is. Our natural tendency is to avoid conflict; however, going through conflict within a group can develop strong community. When you get into a conflict with someone in your Life Group, see it as a great opportunity. Use Matthew 18.15-17 as your guide. Don’t talk to anyone else about it, go directly to them one on one. If you need help on how to approach this person and have a difficult conversation with them, be sure to avoid talking to others about it. That is gossip, and will cause division! Stick with the Matthew 18 approach. A great resource for dealing with conflict is the book, “Boundaries Face to Face – How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Q. What if it does not meet on a night that is good for me?
A. There are many other groups available in your area. Give us a call, and we can help you find the closest group on a night that works best for you, OR consider starting a group in your area! Because our groups rely on the principle of shared responsibilities, starting a group is something almost anyone can do. To find out how to get a group started in your neighborhood, contact our Life Groups team at the church office (661) 775-2051.
Q. How long will this group meet?
A. Life Groups gather weekly during three different sessions throughout the year. Session 1. Sept-Nov Session 2. Jan-March and Session 3. April-June. From Mid June through mid august our groups take a break from regular gatherings to have a lot of fun. During the summer their are community picnics, social gatherings, some groups go camping together, and some groups have even gone on short vacations together. In short when we are not meeting weekly we are doing life together. Living out our six core practices of community, outreach, service, worship, study, and prayer happens in many differnet ways throughout the year.
Q. Where do we find new group members for our group?
A. This can be an issue for groups, especially new groups starting with just a few people, or existing groups that lose a few people along the way. We encourage you to get to know people from your neighborhood, work, children’s school, family, the gym, and so on. Reach out to them, and build relationships with them through demonstrating kindness, discovering their stories, and then discerning the next steps. Sometimes it’s better to invite people to dinner before you invite them to church or Life Group. Do they need resources? Or is it time to invite them to a Life Group social activity?
Q. How do we handle the children in our group?
A. Kids are part of the community and must be treated accordingly. During the meal, include them in the discussion, Scripture memory challenges, etc. Involve them in service projects and other activities. However, it will be important that you come up with a game plan for what to do with the kids for the duration of the meeting. Talk openly with your group about the need for the adults to have a discussion without too much commotion. Kids are an important part of the community that is being built through your Life Group. As a group, consider what strategy works best for your Life Group. Here are some ideas:
· Everyone can pitch in a few bucks to hire a babysitter.
· Parents can take turns watching the children from week to week.
· Often a quieter activity for the kids, like a video, provides for less interruption of the discussion.
· Playing outside can work if an adult or older kid supervises. Infants and toddlers playing outside by themselves are a recipe for interruption and injury.
· Things may go more smoothly if parents tell their kids beforehand what the evening will look like or that they’re expected to obey the adult in charge while mom and dad participate in the discussion.